Experiences
from virtual worlds do not only have an impact on individuals
playing these games alone, but they can also affect the real
lives of romantic partners playing together in positive ways.
As one player puts it:
Not
an experience but THE experience: My wife and I play EverQuest
together, each playing a character on two separate accounts,
but playing our characters together in the game. We both
like the game because it embodies and teaches cooperation,
mutual respect, helping others, working towards goals, taking
risks, self sacrifice, and other good Real Life virtues
in the context of the game. Also and as important we find
it a very nice way to be together but as slightly different
creatures in a different world and place. [m, 59, EQ]
MMORPGs can allow romantic partners to support
each other in dangerous and stressful situations, and to help
reinforce their trust in each other. It also creates complex
dilemmas that both partners have to deal with, thereby forcing
couples to discuss some tough issues, oftentimes with beneficial
effects.
My
husband and I (we both play) have had significant opportunities
to better understand each other and our real-life relationship
through discussions involving EQ and our in-game friendships,
roles, and actions. Sometimes this has been in the form
of an argument but more often it is in the form of extensive
discussions about how we believe things should be done in-game,
what we want to do, how we want to handle certain situations
that have or could arise. While there have been times when
playing the game has led to conflict in our marriage, it
has also strengthened it by giving us a shared pursuit outside
of our daily life experiences. [f, 33, EQ]
But sometimes, these stressful situations
actually create even more stress in real life. The following
player relates her experience - a modern analogy of the old
saying "you should never teach your spouse how to play
golf".
My
husband and brother started playing together when EverQuest
first came out. About 6 months later I started to play,
though since I was brand new, I did not play with them,
as they were in their 40s. I made my own circle of friends
and playing partners. When I made it into my 30s my husband
and brother (shaman/rogue) asked me to track for them as
they were hunting rares in Traks Teeth. It was a dangerous
area for me, a ranger in her mid 30s, and I had never hunted
with them before, but I wasn't worried about dying, and
I knew I could outrun most anything that might want to make
mincemeat of me. They were not quite so confident of my
abilities, however. There were a few dicey moments where
my hit points dropped rather low. My husband was a nervous
wreck watching me play, seeing my hit points drop, worrying
that I would die. And since we play side by side I had to
listen to his ranting and cursing, his 'suggestions' on
my play style, and various other comments. I came to realize
that day, that though we might be playing the same game,
we would never be playing it together. Our real life marriage
would not be able to stand the stress of him watching me
be hurt or possibly die in game. [f, 43, EQ]
For other couples, the tension doesn't come
from these "dicey moment", but instead, it comes
from the interactions that the partner has with other people
in the virtual world. As the following player illustrates
however, these stressful situations can be blessings in disguise.
My
husband and I originally shared one EQ account, but decided
to upgrade to individual accounts, despite the costs involved.
We rationalized it by agreeing that while we're playing
EQ we're not spending money elsewhere! ;)
Initially,
it didn't go so well - I was used to having 'my' friends
around me and I was surprised to find how jealous I felt
when he first started playing during 'my' time. My friends
all accepted my husband immediately and loved having him
around - if anything, that made me MORE irritated.
In
addition, he'd be annoyed if he heard me typing and didn't
see anything on the group or guild line: who was I talking
to, and why did I feel the need to keep it private? This
only went on for about a week before my husband and I sat
down and actually discussed what it was that was annoying
us. I explained that sometimes I'd be typing without him
seeing everything because I have lots of friends and wasn't
necessarily grouped with them - hence /tell was the only
way to communicate. I told him he could look over my shoulder
anytime he wanted as there was nothing 'private' going on.
He
in turn agreed to let me sometimes group with my established
friends without him being in the party, so I could get some
Away Time.
Funnily
enough, once we'd agreed to all this we actually ended up
gravitating more and more to each other's company, and now
if he's at work or I am (we work different shifts) the one
at home really frets at the loss of the other. The game
isn't quite the same without them! Sure, I still like catching
up with my friends, but I truly miss the companionship of
my RL "Best Friend" - my husband.
EQ has - oddly enough - brought us closer together. Most
people assume that playing an immersive game tends to reduce
the quality of a relationship, but we find that a couple
of hours whacking away at virtual critters, laughing at
the silly situations and socializing with our online mates
has had a totally positive outcome for us! [f, 28, EQ]
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