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there are many factors inherent in MMORPGs that facilitate the
formation of relationships online, it is also equally clear
that not all players choose to do so. There are players who
consciously do not bring their real lives into the game. Another
way to look at the phenomenon is to ask whether certain individuals
are more predisposed to these online relationships. One group
of such individuals might be teenagers who are struggling with
identity and acceptance issues in real life. Many teenagers
feel they have no one to talk to because it is their peers and
family who are part of the issue they are trying to deal with,
and the online environment might present itself as a way to
talk about them with someone else. But approval and acceptance
are needs that everyone requires to sustain a normal level of
self-esteem. Individuals struggling with self-esteem issues
might therefore be more likely to form relationships online.
It might also be more productive to think
of online friendships as a real kind of friendship that is
different from typical real life friendship. We know that
soldiers in the same battalion form deep bonds with each other
in a way that is different from the bonds with their other
friends and family. It is perhaps the case with our situation
that the word "friendship" is being used to mean
two different things. Real life relationships tend to center
around calm, everyday events. Online relationships tend to
grow out of bonds formed during stressful crises. Learning
about the personal sides of our friends in real life is usually
a time-consuming and gradual process, whereas this process
tends to be much quicker online as mentioned above. Because
online relationships seem to form in a different fashion from
real life relationships, and are driven by different interactions
and focuses, it might therefore be more helpful to think of
them as a form of relationship that is very real but which
we are unaccustomed to in real life.
While many players and outsiders may argue
that online relationships are superficial and that everyone
is pretending to be something else online, the following player
makes a very important point that many people wear masks in
real life as well, and that "putting up a front"
is not a phenomenon unique to virtual worlds.
I believe that whether you've met someone
on the computer or in RL you still only see what they want
you to see either way. Everyone shows their best face to
the world. The potential for someone turning out to be a
jerk is same for RL or computer. And I'm good friends with
my EQ friends for the same reasons I'm friends with my RL
friends … they are fantastic people with great personalities
and a sense of humor that meshes with my own. [f, 27]
In fact, a significant portion of MMORPG
players feel that they can be more of who they really are
in the virtual world.
Other players feel that online relationships
can be substantial because people are actually less superficial
online. The removal of physical cues such as age, appearance,
race and social class forces players to interact with each
other with far fewer prejudices and stereotypes than they
would in real life.
There is more a basis of knowing personality
first... kind of a anti-judging the book by it's cover situation.
For the most part, however, I don't see any difference between
in-game vs. so-called "real life." If I've made
friends with someone Out of Character while in-game... then
that friendship is RL. Period. To think otherwise would
be to believe there is such a thing as "Virtual Friends,"
and that, I don't believe in. [f, 29]
They are fun to talk to and group with, in
a way they are better then rl because they are non judgmental
about looks and such. I put my real personality into my
characters and i am respected by friends for it. [f, 35]
And as one player notes, the irony is that
online relationships can turn out to be less superficial than
real life relationships.
An EQ friendship is different from a RL friendship
because people tend to open up more to others when in EQ,
we get to know each other much more, we truly tell each
other what we think/feel and you really create this amazing
bond with one another. It's much less superficial than some
RL friendships can be. [f, 15]
Thus, in a strange way, it is unfair to stigmatize
or question the superficiality of online relationships because
we seldom stop to wonder how superficial our real life friends
are.
Finally, while many people are frightened
by the prospect of encountering individuals with bad intentions
in an online environment, those same individuals oftentimes
underestimate the number of those same people they are encountering
in real life. After all, the "bad" people you meet
in virtual worlds live in the real world. Prudence and cautiousness
are things that people need to keep in mind in both the virtual
and the real world. And considering the restricted range of
things that other people can do to each other online when
compared with the real world, it seems surprising how worried
some individuals get over online relationships. Clearly, there
are many well-documented cases where an online relationship
led to negative consequences, but there are far more potential
negative consequences for meeting people in real life if you're
not being prudent and cautious.
Understanding the aspects of MMORPGs that
facilitate relationship formation puts players and observers
at a much better place to conceptualize and talk about these
relationships. Instead of spontaneously criticizing or defending
these relationships as a whole and moving into a polarized
impasse, it is far more productive to understand why online
relationships occur so often and what causes players to feel
that these relationships are substantive.
References:
Walther, J.B. (1996). Computer-mediated
communication: Impersonal, interpersonal, and hyperpersonal
interaction. Communication Research, 23(1), 3-43.
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